#METOO
Over the last few months I've been at odds within myself, I've been having a conversation with myself about whether I feel like a victim of sexual harassment or sexual advances. Everyday I'm confronted with more and more friends sharing their stories, their experiences and everyday my heart breaks. I feel for my friends who have shared their experiences of uncomfortable to down right wrong advances from others and every time I want to console them. It's what I do, as a counselor, I see people around me hurting and I want to rush in and sit in the crap with them. I want to hear them, without judgement, I want them to feel safe. Yet I struggle to do that with people around me because I, too, have had many uncomfortable experiences with people trying their advances towards me.
I would consider myself an opinionated, assertive individual (Ok, yes, sometimes I'm even abrasive or cold) yet those traits about me does not and has not stopped others from trying to touch me, talk about me while two seats down the bar, stare at me, or yell at me while I run.
I remember about two years ago, I was sitting at my favorite bar with my dad catching up about our days and having a beer. For those of you who don't know, I'm a spinning image of my father when I'm next to him and this one small detail is important in the end. I worked at this bar and had just gotten off work, sitting down to hang out with my dad when one of my bosses asked me to come to the back to do one last thing before my shift fully ended. Not thinking anything of it, I go back to finish rolling silverware, I look back to the bar seeing my dad talking to a guy or two next to him. Not thinking anything of it since my dad is the most friendly person I know, I come back over to the bartender snickering and giving my dad a high five.
Confused and coming back into the conversation I ask, "What did I miss?" My dad shrugs in his typical, "don't ask me" response. The bartender shakes his head and just chuckles as he walked away. Frustrated now, I accept their answers and continue on hanging out with my dad. When my dad steps away to go to the restroom, the bartender (a friend of mine) bolts back over and asks if my dad told me what he had done. The bartender's eyes are huge and he's leaning over the bar to be able to quiet his voice while he told me the follow story:
"When you walked away to roll silverware there were two guys down the bar from your dad who began talking about you, how you looked and what they wanted to do to you. Allie, they weren't being quiet or shy about their thoughts. You dad caught wind of the conversation..."
At this point my mouth is hanging wide open in anticipation of my dad's reaction to these guys.
"...and he kindly said, 'Just so you know, you're talking pretty loud about someone's daughter, my daughter so please quickly finish your beers and leave before we have further problems.' Allie, i haven't seen two dude's eyes get that big and faces get that red so fast before."
My tears were filling up with tears form embarrassment, pride and mostly love. My protector, my daddy was there to save me this time. There have been many others times where he wasn't there to say something and I sheepishly glared at them instead of using my voice. This movement has been about using our voices to let men know we want them to be held to different (higher) standards of conduct. It's about freaking time. #METOO
Confused and coming back into the conversation I ask, "What did I miss?" My dad shrugs in his typical, "don't ask me" response. The bartender shakes his head and just chuckles as he walked away. Frustrated now, I accept their answers and continue on hanging out with my dad. When my dad steps away to go to the restroom, the bartender (a friend of mine) bolts back over and asks if my dad told me what he had done. The bartender's eyes are huge and he's leaning over the bar to be able to quiet his voice while he told me the follow story:
"When you walked away to roll silverware there were two guys down the bar from your dad who began talking about you, how you looked and what they wanted to do to you. Allie, they weren't being quiet or shy about their thoughts. You dad caught wind of the conversation..."
At this point my mouth is hanging wide open in anticipation of my dad's reaction to these guys.
"...and he kindly said, 'Just so you know, you're talking pretty loud about someone's daughter, my daughter so please quickly finish your beers and leave before we have further problems.' Allie, i haven't seen two dude's eyes get that big and faces get that red so fast before."
My tears were filling up with tears form embarrassment, pride and mostly love. My protector, my daddy was there to save me this time. There have been many others times where he wasn't there to say something and I sheepishly glared at them instead of using my voice. This movement has been about using our voices to let men know we want them to be held to different (higher) standards of conduct. It's about freaking time. #METOO
Comments
Post a Comment