13 Reasons Why

“no one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people.” pg. 56

Now I know many of you opened this blog post up thinking this would be another post about the dramatic new show that has everyone talking.. 13 Reasons Why... And you'd be right (partially). The fictional tale of Hannah Baker's extended suicide note will now be seen and read by millions of individuals.. each of those people who pick up this novel or begin the first episode will be met with a choice. Listen or not listen? Believe or brush off? I have read many articles and posts about this show and I can make sense of most of them, the views being expressed, and even the apathy people have towards the show. Adults saying the show is drawn out and glorifies suicide (you're right), but did you listen to her story all the way through or did you just brush Hannah off as an attention seeking teenager? 

I was first introduced to Hannah Baker when I was in early high school and you know what, I liked her. I thought she was funny, witty and I pictured her as someone I could see walking through the halls of my high school. I devoured her story in less than a day and was devastated by the end. I grieved Hannah Baker, I thought about her, the story she told and it touched me. I had lost a friend too, I felt guilty, responsible and began to look around me differently. Everything had changed for me and so I begin my list of 13 reasons why.... I became a mental health counselor. 

1. For me

I, initially, started this process for selfish reasons, to solve the puzzle and to save people.. Boy did I have it wrong. I wanted to feel good about what I would be doing, I wanted to save people's lives. Little did I know how much I would benefit from the training I have received and the families I have worked along side. I have seen healing happen in the most desperate of situations and you know what.. I had little to do with it. 

2. For Jess

My personal Hannah Baker; beautiful, bright, loving and troubled. Jess was the person who lit up a room when she was there, the center of attention, the one who would embarrass herself for a laugh. Jess was loyal but never felt like she had one true place to be herself. She struggled with self-harm and depression. There were times we fought her to take away razors and make sure she was safe. Sadly, Jess passed in a car accident 4 1/2 years ago and I will never forget what her parents said to me and my friends at her viewing, "you saved her life". I didn't believe them, my response was, "I loved her so much" and then it hit me as a counselor in training at the time I realized what saved Jess; the friendship relationship, the agave love and loyalty. 

3 & 4. For my parents

As a child of divorce, there will always be an idealized version of this world where my parents are still together. I went into this field for parents like mine, who loved each other but couldn't make it work. Counseling is about as close to magic as I can get without going to Hogwarts. I believe in the power of counseling, the work it takes and the healing that can come from it. For parents and children of divorce, I went into counseling for you so that we can begin to communicate with each other again. So that families can heal after heartbreak. 

5. For my (future) children

I want this world to be a better place for my children, I want my children to know their worth. I don't want them to feel the guilt of loosing a friend to suicide, I want them to know the worth of the people around them, the value they have and to be able to express those feelings of love and appreciation. 

6. For INTJ's

INTJ is my personality type as described by the Meyers-Briggs Personality Inventory, which has been adapted into an inventory readily available online for free (do it, it's super interesting). INTJ's make up about 2% of the population, less than 1% of those are women... I've alway known I had a different way of perceiving and viewing this world around me, from a young age my parents described me as marching to my own drum. At times this brought loneliness, confusion and few friends. I always valued quality over quantity, which is admirable but incredibly lonely as an elementary kid who didn't understand why she felt so different. I wanted to help people understand themselves better so they didn't feel lonely like I did as a child. 

7. For anxiety

Since my parents separation in middle school, I had to grow up quickly. I had to manage my parent's emotional states, take care of myself and boy did that have an impact. From the outside I look responsible beyond my years, organized and on top of things but what people don't see are the racing thoughts, struggling to sleep, panic attacks and lots of confusion, frustration and isolation. I didn't want to burden my parents with more than they already had but I was struggling. I made my anxiety work for me through out high school and college; Most of those close to me didn't know I struggled. I didn't even name it "Anxiety" until my graduate career. I want to help kids like me to name, conquer and cope with their anxious and big feelings. 

8. No empty seats on Mondays

I saw so many of my peers around my in high school and college go through life without investment from someone else; from parents, friends, teachers and coachs. This led to someone my senior year of high school committing suicide. He was the Robin Williams of our class, hilarious and hidden. When we found out Alex had killed himself we were in shock, no one would have guessed the class clown to be depressed and hurting enough to end his life. He was the funny kid after all. Love, compassion, investment, CARE; these things matter and our teens don't get enough. 

9. For love

Love. There is never enough of it and a client taught me just a few weeks ago that love should be free. A discussion about how teachers have been squashed from saying 'i love you' to their students. Well that's BULL to me! Love shouldn't be confined to romantic and familial relationships. I love my clients and not in a way that makes me want to date them or view them as a sibling, no. I love my clients by showing them I CARE, being consistent, and providing a safe place for them to be their whole messy, broken selves. 

10. For impact

As a millennial (blah blah blah lazy blah blah spoiled blah blah) I hear you, we get it, we suck. But one thing that the millennial generation have is their drive and strive for impact. A vague idea meaning purpose, change and legacy. My generation is so desperate to be social justice warriors that they refuse to settle for jobs with little to no impact. I began this journey for the exact same reason, I wanted to impact the people around me and to me that was a main area of job satisfaction. 

11. For prevention

I went into counseling to save, to protect and to help. Ultimately I want to prevent hurt, to prevent suffering, to prevent suicide. I know these are aspirational but I found a professional who believes in the power of prevention! 

12. "Helper of Mankind"

Alexis, my given name, means helper of mankind. This from a young ago has followed me, I explored ideas of being a doctor, working in a hospital with terminally ill children to support their families or even Spencer Reed's partner on criminal minds. Either way I knew that impact factor for me would be important, helping people has always been important to me. 

13. Pay it forward

As my list comes to an end, I ask one thing. Pay it forward, show someone you care about them. Continually show up for them, listen to them, LOVE them! 

"you can't rewrite the past" pg. 60